Wednesday, August 07, 2013

An Undivided Marriage - Interviews

Undivided. What can an “undivided” relationship look like in a marriage? The House asked several EHA couples/widows to share some of their personal struggles and commitments throughout the years.

Those sharing are : Noel and Georgia McRae, married 56 years with two children; Lorraine Bodin, a widow but married to Buell for 62 years, with  two children; Peggy Breedlove, a widow but married to Jim for 49 years, with two children, and Jim and Denise Cram, married 36 years with two children.

The House: What things were “non-negotiable” in terms of keeping your marriage “undivided?” (Perhaps ways you weathered strong disagreements, while still learning to respect differences and resolve issues…)

Bodin: Divorce never entered our minds.

J. Cram: We work together as a team, both at home and in ministry. We keep each other informed as to our plans and decisions. No purchases over $50.00 without first discussing it with the other  spouse. We take   responsibility for mistakes and don't pass the blame.                    

The House:  What kinds of disagreements were the hardest to resolve?

N. McRae: We have quite different personalities; Georgia is organized, detailed, and Noel is not. Georgia has a planned out 'best" way to go to Safeway, Noel takes a variety of ways. After 56 years, we still don't understand each other.

Bodin:  Communication.  His sister called him stupid, etc, so when an issue arose, he closed off.  It took us awhile to work through this. Our years of marriage were entirely different than these years.                                  His mother had two faces - one for me and one for him. One day he heard the differences and then we had to work through his hatred and still help his mother have a decent living.

Breedlove: Our main problem was Jim’s drinking. The first 16 years were sometimes pretty rough. Then he found Jesus and things became much better. The hard part for me was not to throw things back in his face when I got angry. The past belongs in the past.

D Cram: As most people are aware that opposites attract. I'm methodical and Jim is a "free spirit", go with the flow person. I'm a home body and Jim likes lots of people around. I had to learn how not to be so detail oriented, in simple words, not so picky.  Jim had to learn to respect and value our home.  I needed to learn how to socialize more and Jim needed to learn the value of family time.  Jim's background was moving every 6 months or so after his parents divorced.  I was raised in a home where at the time we met I'd lived there for about 10 years.  I was used to things being constant and he was used to a lot ofvconstant change. Trying to find a happy medium took years of give and take and discussion. One thing that  really helped was learning about how God had made us through classes similar to the DNA classes at East Hills.  The other thing was analyzing the 5 love languages.  This was a huge plus in allowing us to understand each other and how God wanted us to function.

The House: Please share some positive things you feel helped keep both of you committed to the marriage.

N. McRae: We have always surrounded ourselves with friends who are also believers - church, small groups, people we do the most with, etc. We have other friends, but believing friendships have always been the most important.

G. McRae: Even if we haven't worked out our tiff, we still would go to church. Given time and a renewal in our realization that there were more important things, the tiff usually faded pretty quickly. Putting Jesus first will eventually cause all the other "problems" or concerns to move into perspective.

Bodin: We did not live beyond our means. We trusted each other implicitly. We both had talents; we pooled them for the betterment of the household and family. Agreement in our children's rearing - he would not allow the kids to disrespect me.

Breedlove: The kids when they got older were sure they had all the right answers. It was sometimes hard, but Jim and I always presented a united front where they were concerned. If we had a difference of opinion, they never knew it.
     Jim was always generous with money. If he had a dollar, he was always willing to give me 50¢ of it. But that didn’t mean we didn’t have money problems. We just didn’t let it become an issue. We were probably lucky as Jim always had a job and a steady income, however small. Once we all accepted Jesus, faith was a top priority in our home. There were still many disagreements but we had   Jesus to guide and lead us though them. Jim was always very affectionate. It didn’t matter where we were or who was around, he always kissed me goodbye. He was never too macho or embarrassed or shy to show he cared.

J. Cram:  (The fact) that God hates divorce. Love for each other and for God, as well as for our children. Books by Gary Smalley and Gary Chapman regarding understanding our personalities and our love languages. Our understanding of submission in marriage - it is mutual sub-mission, helping each other achieve the purpose, or mission, that God has given to each of us.

D. Cram: Our deep commitment to God.  There was a time many moons ago, that if I thought the way the world thinks today, I would have thrown in the towel and given up on our marriage.  I kept praying and crying out to God in my hurt and pain.  Eventually, as Jim also cried out to God in his hurt and pain, God was able to help us resolve the pain slowly and rebuild our marriage.
     The other high motivation for me was our girls.  I was determined that they would have the wonderful childhood that I had experienced, carefree and fun.  Jim & I didn't allow our struggles to be discussed or mentioned in front of the girls.  We always showed a united front to them.  If you asked them today they would say they had no clue anything was wrong.

The House: What kinds of routine things did you do to keep the marriage relationship alive?

N. McRae: We put our church family and get-togethers primary. We are also blessed by liking - and disliking - most of the same things. We like camping - can't imagine being married to someone who didn't like hiking, wild animals, and camping - and llamas.

G. McRae: Neither of us likes crowds, noise, big cities, etc. We like to find areas of quiet.

Bodin: Square dancing, activities in church groups, traveling together, honor and respect of each other.

Breedlove: We worked to have a strong family relationship. In our years of marriage Jim loved and respected me. He was never a dictator. We both knew who wore the pants in the family, and IT WASN’T ME! God has blessed me greatly since Jim has been gone, but I still miss him a lot. Jim was my lover, my friend and my confidante!  He was the best of husbands and a great father.

J. Cram: Spend time together regularly, whether in the evening at home, coffee at Starbucks, dinner out, or a trip to the beach. Encourage and say positive things to each other.  We had "love cards" I made up that we would put in places for each other to find and read (lunches, Bible, sink, luggage, etc) Show physical and verbal signs of affection (kisses, hugs, and "I love you's")

D. Cram: After we conquered our problems we were much more conscientious about spending time together. Walks, coffee together, trips to Lowes for house stuff without the kids. My love languages are quality time and acts of service. Jim's are words of affirmation and acts of service.  When we begin to focus on these things for each other it set a good pattern of living.












Mexico Missions

The Team: Josh Droke, Logan Taylor, Randi Taylor, Keven Broschat, Claudia Broschat, Christian Broschat, Kendall Broschat, Shannon Gilman, Kyle Gilman, Justin Gilman, Vicki Echerd

What we’re looking forward to:
Kendall: Looking forward to playing with the children and making new friends.

Claudia: I am looking forward to stepping out of my comfort zone and making a bigger impact in missions.  We are told that mission work can happen in our everyday lives through the people we come in contact with all around us. I like this idea of missions because it requires little on my part.  It's easy.  Working at an elementary school, I have a huge responsibility to positively affect the children around me through my words and actions.  I do that every day without even thinking about it.  It is a natural part of who I am.To think about missions on a global scale is whole other thing. I am not a very outgoing or social person. Sitting in the background and quietly observing is where I can be found most days.  Going on this Mexico Mission trip is a step outside the norm for me.  I feel like I will actually be doing something on the missions field. It is exciting and scary.  I pray the bravery I assume others have who have gone on mission trips in the past finds it way to me.  My nerves tell me this is a huge leap but hopefully when it's over it will be a small step.  A hand-holding small step I have taken with family and friends.

Keven: I'm looking most forward to this being an eye opening experience for all the children.  Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to being able to serve God by spreading the word and doing work in his name, but, we could do that and have done that here.  I anticipate seeing how everyone responds to serving people without the distractions of cell phones, televisions and all the things that go with being in a comfortable and familiar environment.  In Mexico, it will be about serving God without distractions.  I want the children to see how having God in your life can be enough to fill you up, and a lot of the things or items don't matter as much as they think.

Shannon: First of all I am excited about taking this mission trip with my two younger boys and my mom.  I am looking forward to watching my sons grow while they serve. I also see this as a time where we will bond with each other and my mom as well. Our family has a sponsor child at Rancho de sus NiƱo’s and her name is Dianna; I cannot wait to see how much she has grown not just physically but spiritually. There are a few other girls that I made connections with and I cannot wait to see them again. The children and staff at Rancho have a special place in my heart and I look forward to introducing them to more of my family and hearing how things have been and how God is using them. I also am looking forward to meeting new people as we do on these trips; meeting the new staff and family at Rancho as well as other team members from other churches.  I love going and ministering into the villages.  There is a hunger for God, there is a hunger for healing, and there is a hunger for his love. I just love that we get to be used by God and we get to go along with the teenagers  from Rancho and other adult staff (most who grew up at the orphanage) and we get to witness to the people and love on them.

Justin: Working with the children in Mexico and serving God.

Kyle: This is new for me and I know God has big plans for me. I look forward to using my Spanish I have been learning the last two years.

Our prayer requests:
Shannon: That my boys will be transformed by this trip.   Also, that we will have neither health complications nor injuries and that we will be kept safe. I know from previous trips team members can get tired so pray that we can all keep in good spirits.

Kyle: Pray for protection and that we glorify God on this trip!

Justin: Pray that we will have no injuries, illnesses, and learn what God wants us to learn.

Vicki: That I would see God move in ways that I’ve not seen before; that I will be willing to get out of my comfort zone; that I won’t get in the way of His plan; that I will see what God has prepared for me to see (fully expecting to be blown away by what He will do); that there will be harmony with me and my travel buddies; that I won’t listen to the “mocking voice;” that I can deal with the heat.

Claudia: Pray for safe travel there and back.

Keven: Please pray for my back. It's been bothering me  lately and I'm a little worried about the long drives, sleeping conditions, and some of the work we'll be doing.  I'm hoping that I won't aggravate it more. Please pray for all of our  safety and health.

Josh: I am praying that I will be more focused on what God is doing than on the logistics of the trip, and that what He is up to will be more important to me that anything else.  Please pray that we all choose our words carefully, choose patience over stubbornness, and choose to come together for a movement of God that is way bigger than ourselves.


On Hearing God

How does God speak to us? It seems like we often hear that a key to faith is hearing God’s voice and then doing what He says. This is all well and good when “the voice” of God we hear is through Scripture. In fact, we could spend a lifetime simply trying to do what He says in His Word. But this same Word also holds out another promise to us- that God is a God who continues to speak. He has something to say about our personal situations and the individual experiences we all have from day to day. So, in the rush of life, how exactly does God speak to us? Someone asked me this very question a few weeks ago. I thought for a bit about how I personally attempt to listen to God. Like many others, I try to take some time each day to be quiet before God, in a prayerful place to listen to what God might have to say. As I pondered this approach, however, it occurred to me that very rarely if ever have I heard God in that moment!

Now that seems kind of strange, doesn’t it? I believe in a God who is speaking and who wants to speak to me, yet when I actually go to listen, I must honestly admit that I rarely hear anything. Perhaps you are encouraged by this! Maybe you have grown weary of this kind of listening because it feels like wasted time where very odd and random things pop into your mind. Be at ease,-you are not alone!

But back to the question at hand- how do we hear God speak? I am not trying to create precedence here or say this is the right way, but I want to share my experience because you may find similarities. What I have found is that when I am setting aside time to hear from God, though I rarely hear from Him in that moment, I very often hear from Him in that season. In other words, when I am being consistent in this posture of listening, I will find that at other times in my day, a voice or a thought will suddenly pop up and somehow in my soul I just know it is God’s voice. An answer to a question. A new perspective. A lyric from a song I haven’t thought of in ages. A verse in Scripture I haven’t read in months. But there it is. To me, I feel like God has to catch me off guard in these moments.

The more I think about it, the more this makes sense to me. When I sit and pray, “God, I want to hear your voice,” whether I realize it or not, I have many presuppositions in that moment. I have ideas of what God should or shouldn’t say. I have ideas of what He will say and how He will say it. I put up all these filters that make actually hearing His voice in that moment difficult if not impossible. But in doing this, I believe that I am somehow aligning my heart with His. I am opening up a portion of my soul and making it more ready to receive. And at just the right moment, God speaks. When I am not even aware of Him, He is aware of me and of my need to hear His voice. And so He speaks.

So though I rarely hear God “in the moment”, I will continue to be one who listens. And when He catches me off guard and speaks just what I need to hear, I will be grateful that He spoke in His way, and His time.

We have a speaking God. May we be a listening people!

Where We Are Now

Toward Two Congregations
I sat at Starbucks across from a church planter who has just launched a congregation in Kelso. In his first message to the new church community, he had challenged them to search their hearts for their motive in joining the movement. He voiced the words that have been on our collective hearts and minds, “This area doesn’t simply need more churches. So why are we doing this? Because there’s a lot of people who aren’t reached, and we need more churches determined to reach them.” Amen, brother, amen!

A few years back, we called every church in town and asked for their seating capacity. We took this number and we doubled it. Then we added a few thousand just to be sure. The results? We discovered that if every church in town was filled to capacity twice a weekend, there would still be 25,000 people without a seat! Does this county need more churches for churched people? No, but we could use a whole lot more faith communities that are   effective in reaching the lost and creating bridges for  people to walk back to God.

In May of this year, Jon and Susan Donohue went through a church planters’ assessment and were given an enthusiatic recommendation to be site planters. Since that time, we have continued to progress toward a date of September 2014 to launch this second congregation, and the Donohues will be a critical cog in working alongside this venture.

Our Alliance District is also stepping up and partnering with East Hills. To begin with, they have provided us with a 6-month “planning phase” grant of $6,000 to help offset the cost of salary for Jon. They have also covered our registration for a year-long cohort called The Multi-Site Jump Start Lab. Run by the Leadership Network, this process will have two separate two-day gatherings in Dallas, as well as a mid-year online forum. Jon and I will both take part in this, along with Kendra Shaw, out of the District Office, who will serve as a mentor and a coach in this process.  While Jon will take a significant role in the launch, we need to all clearly understand that this is a team effort. WE are planting a church. WE together are launching a second congregation. And in the end, we will be one church meeting as two congregations. So this will still be us! And WE need all hands on deck! Right now, we want to encourage you to continue praying for the process and the location of the second congregation. In the months to come, you will also hear opportunities to jump on board financially, and ultimately the chance to partner with the second congregation. Be praying for God to move in your heart about your level of involvement.

Kelso/Longview doesn’t need one more cozy place for Christians to sing nicemusic. We need places of restoration and redemption where people who are far from God find that He is the very center of life, and so they return to Him. That is what we are trying to build here at East Hills, and in the next congregation as well. May God’s Kingdom expand through us!

Daily Bible Reading

Several years ago I shamefully realized that I found time to read the paper every day but not my Bible. With fresh determination I canceled my subscription to The Daily News. and purchased a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year Bible – it also happened to be in chronological order. I jumped in to whatever day it was in the year and read daily. That was the beginning of a habit I have continued ever since. I’ve lost track of how many years I’ve been doing this. Ironically, late in 2012 I thought I would take a break at the end of this year and maybe do some topical studies or some other kind of devotion. Then Nick announced that we would be reading through a yearly chronological Bible as a church body and it wasn’t too hard to figure out that God was telling me not to give up my daily reading.

Every day I get up 15 minutes earlier than I need to in order to have time to do my daily reading. Now before you spit out your coffee and call me names, I realize not everyone is a morning person. This is just what works for me. My husband (bless his night owl heart) does much better just staying at the table after dinner when he has something to accomplish.

Why do I continue to do this day after day? There are several reasons. The most basic is that it’s the right thing to do. How often have I told my kids, “Do the right thing even if it’s not the easy thing?” If I am a Christian, then God should be the most important thing in my life. How can I be a Christ follower if I don’t know what Christ says? Granted there are parts of the Bible that I know better than others and there are parts that are quite honestly tedious to read. However you can’t only have dessert; you must have your vegetables too. The Bible says that all Scripture is important so I read all Scripture. (This is where I channel my stubborn side into something positive.) I truly love starting my day in God’s Word. It keeps me focused. By starting every day with the most important thing in my life, it doesn’t really matter what happens the rest of the day. Each time I read I try to learn something new. I love how we have been focusing on the Old Testament as a foreshadowing of Christ. There are so many things to learn within these pages and since I continue to make mistakes I know I must continue to learn.

I will close with some encouragement from the greatest source of inspiration. Psalm 112:1 “Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands.”  Psalm 115:13-16 “he will bless those who fear the Lord – small and great alike. May the Lord cause you to flourish, both you and your children. May you be blessed by the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Go get your Bible and start reading because Galatians 6:9 tells us “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Jennifer Sharer

Chronological Reflection

Read the entire Bible in a year… Sure, I thought, I’ll try that. Chronologically? Intriguing! I’ve always wondered what order all those old testament books actually go in. I would love to get some context on the prophets. But stick to it? 365 days straight? You’re kidding, right?
You see, I have always known that I should be doing quiet times every day. I should be spending time in God’s word daily. I should have the follow through to make it a priority, even when life is crazy, or the kids are crazy, or my work is crazy, or when… you get the idea. There are a lot of things that can seem “more important” in the here and now. I have to make my lunch. Ashlynn has to go to the bathroom. Sharilee needs to be fed.

I tend to be the kind of person that jumps into things, and does really well at first. I have done Bible reading programs before that were supposed to take a year, and somewhere around Leviticus I have fallen off the wagon. My most recent one year Bible plan took about 18 months. I made it, but only because it was a forgiving plan that had a “Catch Me Up” button that meant it would look like I had always been on pace to finish on February 12. I mean March 16. I mean April 30. Yeah – that was when I was supposed to finish.

This “Chronological Bible” plan is less forgiving. There are readings assigned to each day. If you miss on February 14, what do you do on February 15? When Pastor Nick introduced “Grace Mondays” I balked. Would that make me feel like this was possible? Would I be able to give myself grace on Mondays to skip back to where I was supposed to be? Would I feel like I was cheating?

But then, an interesting thing happened. I stayed on track. The realization that it didn’t matter where I was, on Monday I would be “caught up” made me stress less. And what I noticed each day has kept me more on track that anything else. Simply put: on days I do my Bible reading in the morning, no matter how late I am running, how many things are on my to do list, how many times Sharilee woke up hungry in the middle of the night – things just seemed less stressful. I made the mistake a few mornings early on deciding I was “running too late,” or “I’ll sleep a few extra minutes and catch up at night.” The results were obvious. I was a walking train-wreck of anxiety, frustration, and feeling like I needed to save the world all by myself. You see, God’s plan – get up early and meet with Him – has changed my priorities and focus back to one on God.

So – wherever you are, whatever your plan was, however far behind you are: offer yourself some grace. Jump back in with both feet. Set a time and a place – and see what it does for your priorities and anxiety. You might just find out what I did. Even when reading about Israelites toiling in the desert God has a message of peace to speak into your life each and every day, and it will affect your attitude and disposition in ways that you would never want to go back to the “old way” again.

Wendy Droke