Thursday, July 07, 2011

"Time For Your Check-up! Please step into my office..."



Nick and I agreed that since it's been almost half a year since The House focused on our response to the mentoring experiences we might incorporate into our lives, it might be a good time to check in about that.




Hopefully, these words from the February issue will refresh your memory, and you also might recall what some of us shared about being mentored by Tom Hight: "Mentoring. Walking alongside. Friendship. What is the value to us in one life lived in a side-by-side relationship with the Creator of the Universe?"




Nick’s message at that time about asking for and finding someone to mentor us, and being willing to be a mentor to another, produced some new mentorships, and stories about some of them are included in this month’s issue, along with an article from our pastor on the subject.




These are My Three Current Mentoring Experiences:




One – Physical Fitness & Spirit: I know I was inspired to ask someone to act as a mentor and accountability coach for developing a fitness plan, as my doctor continued to urge me to walk as part of controlling my diabetes, and I longed to be able to come back to tennis as an enjoyed pastime. I was also very aware of the spiritual aspect of being a good steward of my health.




My coach has been inventive, encouraging and inspiring. I find having another person’s perspective, and especially an informed one, changes everything about what it means to incorporate a new discipline in my life. She continually amazes me with the ability to bring about "paradigm shift" for me in this area in which I’ve struggled for so long. Her wisdom and experience are better than gold.This has been an enriching and informative experience, and what I believe to be a genuine miracle in my life. I find my walking time to be another opportunity to be in conversation with God, reflecting on my day, my week, my year, and where He is leading me in other aspects of my discipleship disciplines. My walking time has become sacred, a gift of "built-in" sabbatical, as I walk and listen.




My general health has improved, my bad back is much more flexible, my aching joints have eased, and I’m playing tennis again! You have no idea how joyful an experience that is for me!




Two – Financial Fitness & Spirit: My confession: I am a lifelong "money-drunk" (Julia Cameron’s term for those of us who are compulsively unable to control our spending.) It is painful to admit that this has been a struggle for me for as long as long as I can remember.




As soon as I heard Nick's words of encouragement for finding someone to walk alongside us, I knew I wanted to ask someone who had been through the Financial Peace University material to help me. I have had success, and failure, in this process, but I haven’t given up!




My mentor talks with me, reviews my reporting about what is and isn’t working, and encourages me to "stay the course". At the center of all of that are love, concern and clarity when I’m mired in my issues about this area of my life. I have experienced the love, acceptance and forgiveness I need to be healed of this affliction, and have felt God’s hand in it all. How grateful I am for my mentor’s wisdom and encouragement. The struggle continues, but I know there will be more success as I press forward, with the help of my mentor and the Holy Spirit.




Three – Discipleship Fitness & Spirit: Finally, I will remark on a mentorship and friendship that has lasted forty years, and continues today. I meet with this woman weekly, to share my walk and use her as a sounding board for my life decisions and the joys and pains of my circumstances.




I don’t always agree with her. She doesn’t always have something to say. My experience is that the key is "acceptant listening". I know she will listen, she will pray, and on occasion, directly speak to a question or issue I raise.




During some of the most acutely difficult periods of my life, she kept me from disastrous decisions. At other times, I chose to ignore her, with disastrous results.




Another key: consistently returning to the relationship – through it all knowing about her basic faith, scripture-based knowledge, and compassionate heart. These are the qualities that have kept the mentorship alive all these years.




If you have not experienced such a side-by-side relationship with another follower of Christ, I encourage you to ask God to show you who that might be. When you hear from Him, and I believe you will, ask them to mentor you. It will change your life. You will find your perspective on whom you perceive God to be will change and mature. You will be encouraged to mentor someone else when asked, and that relationship will bring even more growth in your walk.




I am convinced that Nick’s words about mentoring from the February article are still as fresh and inspired as they were then: "This month, we are focusing on the topic of mentoring. I know that many of you reading this article are on the lookout for a godly mentor in your life. But the thought of becoming a mentor intimidates you. You wonder if you have what it takes; if you’re close enough to God. Let me encourage you from my experience. Dave made a difference in my life, not because he was godly, but because he wanted to be godly. Dave helped me grow, not because he had it all together, but because he opened his life to God and others. Dave taught me about God and faith, not because he knew all the right answers, but because he showed me how to ask the right questions and wrestle in faith with the realities of life.




And now, I believe in you because Dave believed in me. If you will pursue God with your whole heart, faltering though your steps may be, that very journey is what God will use to touch and change the lives of others. So get on the pursuit! And invite someone to join you along the way. You never know; you just might become their mentor."




And so, we encourage you to ask God to show you whom He would have you approach in friendship, and allow Him to cultivate that friendship into mentorship. Ask God to show you whom He would have you approach in your need of a mentor, to walk beside you in a specific area of your life experience, or as a spiritual mentor for observing how God is working in all areas of your life. He is waiting to give you this gift. Open your heart, and your life, and receive all God is holding in His hands for you to receive.




We grow as we share-




Mary Hagle


Editor


The House

Testimony of Crossing the Generational Gap


Being a mentor…My first reaction is whew! Being a mentor is pretty hard. My next reaction? It’s pretty rewarding and can be a lot of fun. If I really think about it, I am in three mentor relationships. I asked Bob Simmons to be my mentor to which he readily agreed. He also noted it may really be a co-mentor relationship. Bob and I are both logical problem solvers. We are reading a book together, which we discuss over lunches. Both our schedules are pretty crazy, so we meet when we can, which is not as often as either of us would like. But it works pretty well for us. Bob is a great guy and very intelligent. I am really looking forward to the growth of our relationship. I would consider this my EASY mentor relationship.


Our Life Group has been working with the Youth Group this year to help create a bridge between younger and older members of East Hills Alliance. Work really isn’t the right word to use here. The young people in our church are awesome!! Our two groups have met at our home for dinner, games on the Wii, and board games. Everyone had a great time and looked forward to our next gathering. Recently we met at the church for pizza and a game of Bible Pictionary. The Youth Group whipped us! Well, they beat us by one point, but they really know their Bible!


Admittedly, this may not be what might be considered a traditional mentor relationship. We believe, however, this is an important one. Our youth need examples of older Christians in the Church and in social environments. We can help them make the step from young Christians to adult Christians. Personally, I have developed great relationships with many of these young people, respect their dedication to our church and to their relationship with Christ. Have I already said they are awesome? Well, they are! I love them all.


I was asked by Tony Echerd to be his mentor. Of course I said yes. This young man is a great person and has a heart for God. This is my most difficult mentor relationship but will be my most rewarding. My work schedule makes it difficult to meet with Tony as often as I would like. He is busy with school and activities. The toughest thing for us is working on trust. He needs to know that he can trust me. If he thinks he can’t trust me, how can he tell me the things he needs help with? I can’t share anything he tells me with his parents, his friends, his siblings, anyone.


Our relationship is in its infancy. We’ve only met a few times for coffee and lunch. As much as I enjoy being around young people, as I grow older it is getting more difficult to relate. I believe being a teen today is much more difficult than when I was a teen. Meeting one-on-one is much different than when meeting in a group. The pressure is on!


It dawned on me recently how these things make it difficult for me to be a quality mentor. I’ve been doing some on-line research on being a Christian mentor and have found some great information. One site says men think they need to: make the journey alone, remain quiet, keep it under control, and that others won’t understand. My hope is Tony will understand none of this is necessary. His parents, family, church family and I are there to support him. This same website indicates mentoring is really about discipleship. We can learn from the experience of each other without making the same mistakes. We will naturally begin to mentor others as our skills become better.


My prayer is that Tony knows that he can trust me, and that our bond is based on our relationship with Christ. I look forward to continuing our friendship, watching him grow into an adult with a firm foundation in Christ, and serving as a mentor to young men. I pray Christ will bless our friendship and help me say the right things and make the right decisions.


Being in a mentoring relationship is hard! It’s fun! It’s rewarding! I am glad God put it on my heart to serve Him as a mentor. I hope you have found it to be the same for you.


Steve Jones

Testimony of God at Work


I find it rather unusual that I have been asked to write about mentoring. It is strange because I have not been mentored in the traditional sense nor have I sought to be a mentor to anyone else. Ernie Jones came up to me one Sunday and asked me if I would mentor him. I could not see where I would have the time to do it, and I started to make excuses. I do struggle with time. I teach in a field that is constantly changing, I am in the midst of putting together a documentary on the problem with the New World Translation of the Jehovah Witnesses. Also, I cannot neglect my wife. Besides, I live way out in the sticks above Kalama. There was another obstacle I did not mention to Ernie—wondering what would I share with him. Before leaving him, I said I would pray about it. Oops, that was a mistake.


It hit me that if Ernie was willing, I could meet him for half an hour before church. The other problem concerning what I would have to share came back at me in the form of what would I have wanted someone to share with me. Then I started to think about many of the significant events in my life that caused me to grow in grace. In junior high and in high school I read maybe a total of five books and one of them was the Classics Illustrated comic book version of Silas Marner so I did not have to read the book itself. I was a slow reader and I found reading books rather boring. After becoming a Christian in my late teens, I read The Cross and the Switchblade by the late David Wilkerson. I had no idea that Christian books could be so interesting. That had impact on me (as I look at my 1000+ books in my library). It could be something of significance to share.


Then I started to think of other things that impacted me, like having written up my own spiritual journey as to how I became a Christian, how Christian radio, especially the music, has ministered to me, how God has taught me (and continually reminds me) of giving thanks in all circumstances, spending a daily time in the Word, and the list goes on.


The following Sunday, I was willing. My two obstacles were no longer issues. It was all up to Ernie. He had no issue with the time or place. So we made a commitment of three months of getting together. These past three months plus has been a breath of fresh air. Over 40 years ago I became a Christian. The new life I see in Ernie reminds me of what it was like when I first became a Christian. His joy in the Lord has overflowed into my joy. And to think of it! I could have missed out on the blessing that I have received if I had not prayed about it.


What I did was not significant; many others could have done the same. The difference was that Ernie was pliable in the Holy Spirit’s work in his heart.


Jack Sande

Walking Beside...


How do we become isolated, and find ourselves wistfully looking back on a time when we were sharing our walk in a deep and momentous way with someone who "gets us"?


For me, it’s just part of my human nature to "drift". My prayer for you, and for me: "God, help me not to do this. Help me to embrace my vertical relationship with You, and my horizontal relationship with a mentor, and stay "caught up" and "fresh" in my awareness of the Holy Spirit.


I know how to practice this, Lord. Vertical: openness, humility, gratitude. Horizontal: love, acceptance, forgiveness. When I talk with You, or journal to You, or meditate on You with openness, humility and gratitude, my heart is soft, my mind is clear and my spirit is free. Then I’m free to practice the horizontal, acting in love, acceptance and forgiveness.


Lamentations 3:22-24 - Amplified Bible



22 It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not.



23 They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.



24 The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him.



You are new every morning, Lord. Help me to be."



Mary Hagle


Editor


The House

What Does a Mentor Do?


Over the last several months, one topic we have highlighted as a church is mentoring. I am starting to realize that we may have encouraged people to find and become mentors without ever defining what a mentor actually does.


Culturally, we have many good examples of mentoring programs. The system set up by Big Brothers and Big Sisters comes to mind: a caring adult who spends time with a needy child, teaching them valuable lessons and skills as they do fun things together. In general, this might be our perception of a mentor: take what I know and pass it on to someone else. While this definition might be useful in many scenarios, this is not actually what a spiritual mentor seeks to do. Let me tell you how I discovered a better model for mentoring.


Several years ago, I was left needing to find a new mentor when my then-current mentor took a new job. It was at this time that I sought out another pastor by the name of Tim Barton. Tim had always impressed me with his wisdom and depth; he seemed to me to be someone who walked closely with God. I believed I could learn a great deal from him.


Tim and I began to meet about every 6 weeks. My experience in these meetings was almost always the same, and forms the real content of what I want to share with you as you consider being a mentor. When Tim and I met, he would begin asking me questions about life and faith. As I talked, Tim would listen intently and nod. After I would finish, Tim would proceed to ask more questions. He would at times interject a thought or a comment, but more often than not, he would only summarize or clarify what I had already said. And then he would ask more questions. I would talk some more until our time was up, at which point we would pray and head our separate ways.


I inevitably walked away from these encounters disappointed. I would feel that I had shared my heart in order that Tim could then tell me what to do and give me some great advice. Repeatedly, however, Tim failed to share much advice at all! I would be left thinking, "What in the world is the point of this? If all that happens when we meet is me talking, I can do that by myself!" Honestly, I would feel jilted, as if Tim was holding back from really helping.


But then I started to realize what was happening in these meetings. Rather than answering my questions for me, Tim was helping me find my own answers by looking at what God was doing. Tim asked questions in order to discern where I was at, and where God was at work. The more I talked and the more Tim listened, the answers or ideas I most needed seemed to surface on their own. These conclusions always meant more and stayed with me longer because they had come from my life and my heart. When others give us pat answer or advice, we tend to forget. When God reveals truth to our own heart, we cannot help but be changed.


So this, in my mind, is what a spiritual mentor does. This is something I believe you could do. Sit with another and listen to their story. Listen and ask, listen and ask, listen and ask until you start to discern where God is at work. And then, when necessary, speak a few words to clarify or encourage. The truth is, the person you are mentoring doesn’t need more of you. They need more of God. Your job is to help them down that path.


Here are a few good questions to ask as you seek to mentor in this fashion:



What do you think God is trying to teach you in this situation?



Where have you seen God at work in your life recently?



What Scripture passages has the Spirit brought to mind lately?



When you pray, what do you find yourself praying about the most this week?



How does your recent experience fit with other ways God has shown up in your life in the past?


When you mentor someone, always keep in mind these are never one-on-one meetings. It is always three, and your role is to help the other person discover what God, the third person, is saying.


Blessings! Nick